laying it out; let’s just see if this can be done remotely; found a pretty cool printer (it’s a weird format)

one thing i really love about houston is that there is a very large art community, and you can get pretty decent art stuff done at a fair price; i did the recording today - it was done by my former tabla instructor, david courtney - this guy is really cool; i mean, he’s this white guy that is so in love with desi culture, he became a master in tabla, married a wonderful indian lady (she sings by the way) - and they tour together - they’re a really beautiful couple and i always enjoy visiting them and working with them; the first time i saw him he was like salamu alaikum, and i was in shock (hah, same way i must shock people who have preconceptions of myself) - but he’s pretty much adopted the culture and knows a bit of urdu too

it went pretty quickly - the worst part of any art endeavor is to actually look at it or hear it, see it, etc. after you’re done lol; you just sit there cringing, hearing your every flaw and hating yourself - but you have to push yourself past that as long as you gave it your all; and sometimes it goes back and forth - you’ll write something, hate it, come back and go, that wasn’t so bad! and on and on

it was pretty minimalistic (not like my previous stints with artistic recording) - just plain spoken poetry, with no embellishments, just some mild reverb and the standard vocal compression; i was cracking up when he played around with the equipment and changed my voice into a man’s (that is cool! i might save that for later lol) - in general his studio is in a separate garage (oh, the software he uses is called “garageband” - i’d never heard of it; it’s a mac only app), and i really love that place and all its equipment; but at the same time it’s very cozy

they’re really hospitable too with their chai and paratha, etc. - they’re just really great people you can check them out at http://www.chandrakantha.com

well, one piece of bad news is that this painting of mine from a long time ago was damaged in the hurricane that hit my parents’ house; it wasn’t great or anything, just an oil painting of a bangladeshi landscape, but still, it set a mood for me in my old house

but anyway, i must say that anyone who works in art will tell you - the best art creates itself; you just don’t know where it comes from; the best poems wrote themselves - i just held the pen and let it flow out of my brain; the best lines come out fully formed; and a long time ago, i had this one drawing - i am so stupid, for some reason i get it into my head every couple of years to throw out everything i own, so i actually got rid of this! but i miss him so much

i was 16 or so, i remember i had on this black sweatshirt, my long hair in my face, and sitting on my bed in my room - it was in the middle of the night (ever notice how all the greatest ideas you have are in the middle of the night) - and was sitting there with my sketch pad; now i am no “real” visual artist - i definitely have more idea than skill; what i lack in ability i make up for in style or concept; i dabble in everything, though, and i definitely enjoy it; well that one magical night it so happened that while doodling, i started sketching this man - he was so perfect, i can’t tell you; basically, he was at the side of the page, and he was staring straight at you; he was insane, and he had a lot of hair - a full moustache/beard, and his hair was fairly long and unkempt; he was middle-aged and basically came off as some crazy homeless guy (i remember seeing a guy sort of like that at a clinic once lol) - anyway, it was a cool picture, not only because of the reality of this guy but stylistically the idea was cool because his hair sort of represented his insanity and so i starting scribbling it in and it was like a cloud that meandered into the background - it actually took up more space than his face (this part i consciously did) - but the man himself - i really don’t know how he came about, because you see, i was really bad at drawing men (in those days i mostly drew people) - if i ever drew a man, he would just look like a woman with facial hair or something - but he was definitely a man, and quite real; he looked right at you and you felt you could actually see through his eyes into his world; it was so cool

anyway, i was for the millionth time lamenting his loss and wondering if i could re-create that for one of my drawings, but as anyone can tell you, if you ever try to re-create a drawing, it is a miserable sham and is never quite what the original was and it’s hopeless (unless, i guess you are a real artist and have enough ability to painstakingly recreate an original in a scientific fashion, but i’m not); so i basically decided to keep that as a memory and not attempt to do something i couldn’t do anyway, when i stumbled upon a very cool idea - and it was so awesome, but my concepts are usually way out there and very hard to pull off (i tend towards surrealism, because i find realism plain and purely abstract stuff absurd or pointless) - and of course nothing ever comes out exactly the way you want it, but i exerted myself enough and went with the flow enough (the life of the art itself) and was VERY HAPPY with the results! and it didn’t even take long, which is a marvel - i don’t know what anyone else will make of it, if they would find it competent or even interesting, because it is a very personal, symbolic piece for me, but i love it and i’m so happy and grateful!!!

well, i’ve had to deal with a lot of monumental changes/disasters in my life and it put off the work for a while, but i’m going back to it - it was grudging at first, to be honest, just dragging my feet - but i’m excited again (although just for the work itself; i don’t think i’ll be promoting it really cuz lol i hate people now) to be back to doing what i’ve been working on for over 7 years…

now let’s see if i can get cheaply to jerusalem with a camera - i dunno if i can get a good camera in the time i have left and with the money i dont have lol - also i tried emailing about permits but most people never get back, ever, on like anything, the incompetent fools, so we’ll see - and i heard the border closes early, like 2, so i might have to stay on the streets overnight, but i am hoping to just do a day trip - man, if i get deported i will be TICKED…

so im in the process of finishing up the artwork for the poetry album - what i really need now is access to video equipment! i want to include a short film (about 5 minutes long) and i would LOVE to take the footage myself - only issue is money lol (that and access to what i want to film) - we’ll see, i might have to use stock footage (ugh) - also i sent out some demo “solicitations” for the demo i made a LONG time ago (before i got married lol) but that’s always a backup (not the other way around, as with most people who submit stuff) - in the mean time, i’d be happy if i finished the film and did a small tour of readings before i left amman…

Well, the initial NM campaign is over and it’s time to focus on the next project - a multimedia poetry album, which was started years ago (subhanallah, so much time has passed and so much has changed, and yet it’s funny how you always go back to your roots).

The writing is 99% done - there are about 20 poems and writing ranging from my single years until now - once in a while I still have an errant idea or so for a new one, but my method is to write as it strikes me and if it can last for a few weeks, it’s “in” (as opposed to those throw-away passing thoughts you have).

The artwork is about 75% done, and the audio was recorded years ago (I might add a few spoken word pieces without any beats or enhancements, just plain voice). I might throw in a wild card or 2, though, which would be in film format, so we’ll see.

Anyway, it’s very soothing to go back to work on this - at this particular point in my life, I pretty much abhor human contact (more than normal lol)...

This is the remnants of a multimedia poetry album which I began about 4 years ago. The entire name was too long to put in the title:

sociopoliticoethnoreligiophilosophicoschizo

I don’t know how far it’ll get here, as my main audience before was a bunch of artistic weirdos of various backgrounds, mostly non-Muslim. I can’t really see “religious” people going for it, and I can’t really see the Muslim community going for it (like in a major way, even though there’s the odd person here and there who likes it), but I also don’t think I can continue to put it out through the indy market, although that’s clearly where it belongs, because I just don’t have the time it takes to build it up through that venue. Plus I’m in Jordan lol. So I figured we’d just release it as a memory of that time and go on from there. We’ll see, it’ll inshallah be IN Production’s second release after the NaseehaMan comic book.

(Note: This entry was imported from my personal blog and as such some of the information may be dated. Unfortunately, user comments were lost in the migration, so if you had a comment up, feel free to repost.)